Lack Of Intimacy Is An Alarm Bell You Should Listen To

Lack of intimacy is an alarm bell you should listen to. When you are not fulfilled by what happens in the bedroom it’s a serious problem that affects you, your relationship and it has a ripple affect throughout all areas of life. 

It’s not a trivial problem. It’s a serious one that has big implications on how the relationship progresses, how you feel about yourself and how you move through day to day life. 

Intimacy is a human need, just like food and water, and when we are not feeling fulfilled it on this topic it has it’s impact. 

In an average year 70% who initiated divorce listed lack of intimacy as the first or second reason of separating. 

I know it can be easy for the spark to disappear when people are in a long term partnership. Often there’s a change when there’s children in the family dynamic now. And on top of what work can be stressful and busy. 

Now, here’s a reality check. We cannot change our environment as much. But here is what we can change: 

The dynamics in the relationship, lack of communication, the way sex becomes habituated, a lack of desire from our partner, the unspoken resentments that have gotten in the way, patterns of conflict that seem to repeat themselves, not making time for each other, losing a sense of newness in the relationship, habitual arguing patterns, disconnection from the body, limiting programming and conditioning around intimacy, not being on the same page in intimacy, resistance, lack of emotional intimacy, the inability to separate work and play and being caught up in our head.

These are just a few things to name, and shifting these does not need to take up much time. The fact that you are busy does not need to be an excuse to let the passion fade away. 

So often I talk to people and they feel stuck and frustrated. Often the current situation has been like this for a long time. So how do you get on the same page again with your partner? 

The truth is that we have never been taught how to keep intimacy thriving. There is zero education around a topic that is so incredibly important. 

Often couples feel like they are on a different page when it comes to intimacy and desires. Underneath a lack of desire of a women there’s factors that do not her allow her to open. There is a wisdom in why it is happening. There’s the factors of hormonal shifts and stress but most of the time this is not the full picture. 

Something I recommend to men is creating an invitation to their partner to do an experiment. This experiment looks like writing each other a letter to with the topic: ‘What do you want from sex?’. This is a beautiful exercise to understand each other better and get back on the same page. 

I would love to hear if you relate to this and if this was helpful.