How To Shift Your Communication To Create More Intimacy

Is communication something you find challenging in your love life? You are not the only one. Here are some of the best tips that will help you get better. Simply shifting this one aspect in a relationship has dramatic effects. 

One of the reasons I want to share this with you is because when observing dynamics in couples, one of the first things I notice is their communication. 

I wish that we were taught in schools about how to communicate in intimacy and relationships. 

It’s normal to have tense moments and arguments as a couple. But the key to any lasting relationship is to work toward building a stronger, more intimate bond.

Communication is incredibly important because it creates a foundation of trust and connection. And when it’s not done well, it can create resentment and disconnect. Over time this has a major impact. 

In order to have an succesful, open and honest relationship with our partner, we must be able to freely communicate in an open and healthy way. Here’s some tips that will help you with this topic. 

My first recommendation is to recognize where your communication is not ideal with each other. 

Where is there passive aggressive behavior? Is there any hidden emotion instead of addressing it directly? This can look like being overly critical, making digs, giving the silent treatment, disconnecting, making jokes about things your partner does. This does not serve any of you over the long run.

Another example would be to simply not talk about it at all. Simply brushing things under the rug and avoiding arguments won’t help. Ignoring issues just gives them the space and time to build up into something larger down the road. 

Do you have a pattern of toxic communication when you don’t feel heard? For example blaming, criticizing, raising your voice, controlling the conversation. These are important to notice and recognize that it is just an attempt to be heard, even though it is usually not very effective.

Some tips for more effective communication are to recognize that timing can be an important factor. Choosing the right time to talk with your partner can make all the difference. 

It’s very helpful to start with ‘I’ statements and feelings instead of having an outward focus towards your partner. Owning your own experience is helpful to avoid projection and conflict. As much as you can don’t focus on the things you find wrong about what your partner does but instead share the impact that it has on you. 

For example, instead of calling out your partner for focusing too much on work, you could say, “I feel hurt when you always focus on work.” This is less accusatory than saying, “You’re always focusing on work.”

Remember that the goal of the conversation is to understand each other, not to ‘win’. While you may not agree with your partner’s way of seeing things, it’s important to actually listen to understand why they feel the way they do. They should do the same for you.

What has your experience been on this topic?