A Lack Of Intimacy Is Not A 'Luxury' Problem

Being in a relationship with a lack of physical intimacy can sound like a ‘luxury’ problem to some. But an absence of intimacy isn’t trivial at the LEAST. It is a humbly serious problem and might even be what ends the entire relationship. 

In an average year 70% who initiated divorce listed lack of intimacy as the first or second reason of parting ways. Lack of physical intimacy is an alarm bell we should listen to. 

Why is this kind of intimacy such an important ingredient to keep people close? 

Intimacy affirms trust and the end of loneliness. It’s a place where we can be fully expressed and be seen and accepted. It’s where we can cultivate deep connection and love.

We are beings of connection. When this need is not met it ripples through all we do and makes us feel dull, uninspired and not fully alive.

If there are things that get in the way or our partner rejects us, deep down it feels like we can’t fully be ourselves in their presence. 

A lack of intimacy is bad enough, but even worse is the way in which the unreciprocated longing for sex tends to manifest itself. For example: feelings like rejection, disconnection & resentment are some to name. 

Instead of these being brought into the light these are often acted out from the shadow. For example, feeling irritated, arguments and conflict. It might seem to have nothing to do with sex but yet it is caused by this absence of it.

This then further reduces the chances of sexual intimacy to happen. 

Sometimes someone can go off and have an affair. Not because they don’t love their partner but because showing their desire is now tainted by rejection and they are looking for a sense of revenge. 

To have a discussion about the lack of intimacy is hard and can be met with judgement, pushing away and a black and white, resistant mindset from the partner. This can even further amplify the feeling of rejection. 

It plays into our worst fear. It is bad to be rejected from a date but being rejected by our own partner inside a container of commitment is even more vulnerable. It is easy to put it on ourselves and wonder if there is something wrong with us. 

A key to a process is to understand the bigger reason why your partner has gotten less interested in sex. 

After working with many people in this exact situation I realized many things. First of all, often there is a problem in the communication and there is a dynamic created that creates pressure, judgement and from here a further pushing away energetic that brings couples even further away from each other. 

The second piece I want you to know is that there is a lot you can do as a man to shift the dynamics in this situation. Female pleasure and desire is wildly misunderstood by men and by women themselves. 

If you have a desire to find out how you can empower yourself to change this issue in your relationship, feel free to reach out. 

I’m looking forward to hearing from you and I would love to hear what reading this brings up in you.